Marilyn Le' Roy.
I can't help but mention that I suck at keeping up with my blog.
So, it's been months I see. A lot has happened since December. Christmas was sparse but good all the same. The new year was boring. Only a reminder that I'm still here and that I still sorta suck. Since then I released the EP (Woo!). The only downfall is that no one really wants it. And from there it only gets worse because it's available for free. Yeah, now you know why I think I suck right?
The funniest thing is that I made it available to certain people in particular first and they would say "Oh! Thank you thank you! woo woo woo." I'm thinking they're surely going to download it right? Wrong! Not even being sweeter than a jawbreaker influenced their lazy asses to go download it. The best part was that some of them came back and said "Thanks! I love the EP!" Hahahaha! That really proves a point. That the general public whom you think may care slightly don't give a shit unless you're worth a couple bills.
They would've been all over it had I been remotely famous or BFF's with Marky Mark. It's a sick sad world. I'm okay with that part. I would appreciate some honesty or maybe nothing said at all. I mean really. Like I wouldn't know?
Anyways other than that, I've had alone time (finallyyyy!!) and have written and recorded 5 ( I think?) new songs! I had a creative streak and it was brilliant. I had no idea so much was waiting to be released. I should be channeling my creativity regularly but even in this fairly large house I don't really feel alone unless every one's actually off the premises. I guess I'm much more of a private person than I thought.
I also started writing a book called "Sorry, Babe. You're Not On The Guest List: The Life And Times Of A No-Hit-Wonder". It's a series of memoirs that I started sifting through by recommendation of my good friend. I've put that project on hold though. At least for now.
Up to more recent times, I sent out demo submissions last week for the first time. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm really really hoping someone at least keeps the CD for their own pleasure. The bar is set for some actual positive feedback though. It will take a while and I'm happy wondering. The rejection scares me though. The entire world can tell you you're good but one person can send that tumbling down. I've learned to simply accept it though. Instead of putting myself through hell by holding off and waiting I went right into it and sent them before I changed my mind. Like pulling off a band-aide.
I'm happy to say that I have indeed been feeling better lately. Due to my creative spree mostly. I feel happily satisfied and relieved from getting everything out on to this plane. And as predicted, I'm starting to feel somewhat fatigued from it all. But in a good way. The last few weeks were refreshing.. And enlightening. I discovered how much space and solitude I need to properly create and outlet my music and that I could deffo benefit from living in a monastery for a decade. Maybe I'm the only one with such a hard time getting a grip on reality. Honestly, I don't want to be here. I could live inside my head forever. I don't think there's a place for me on earth unless it's as a star. The only other place I can imagine being happy would be in the heavens burning through the cosmos. So, it's either a star here or a star there.. hmm.
I could always indulge in self-medicating and become just another. But that seems far too painful.
It honestly scares me to think that I might be living in vain. Trying to get to the end of a pipe dream. That terrifies me. And also makes me sad. The more I think the less I believe that I'm special enough to be the one out of the million to make it.
A best friend came to me with her troubles the other day. It seemed to me that she was on the right path, getting ahead, everything was right as rain, and things would end happily. It turns out that she too is scared and lost. She too feels that maybe it's all in vain and that the future is so uncertain it terrifies her too. It suddenly occurred to me that everyone is lost. I'm not the only one anymore and that's somewhat comforting. I felt like the world was passing me by and everything I've been doing the past few years have been nothing but smoke and fog. I guess everyone who follows their dreams feel lost and scared.
Why do you think that is? Is it the uncertainty... or maybe the fear that you won't reach the end of the yellow brick road-- that you'll lose your way at some point and die in the depths of obscurity? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
I guess you really have to struggle to get what you want. Besides without struggle, fear, and sadness we wouldn't be able to realize the things that make us happy.
I hope all dreamers, dream weavers, day dream believers, and dream followers make it to the end of their yellow brick roads. I hope it's far easier at the end.
So, it's been months I see. A lot has happened since December. Christmas was sparse but good all the same. The new year was boring. Only a reminder that I'm still here and that I still sorta suck. Since then I released the EP (Woo!). The only downfall is that no one really wants it. And from there it only gets worse because it's available for free. Yeah, now you know why I think I suck right?
The funniest thing is that I made it available to certain people in particular first and they would say "Oh! Thank you thank you! woo woo woo." I'm thinking they're surely going to download it right? Wrong! Not even being sweeter than a jawbreaker influenced their lazy asses to go download it. The best part was that some of them came back and said "Thanks! I love the EP!" Hahahaha! That really proves a point. That the general public whom you think may care slightly don't give a shit unless you're worth a couple bills.
They would've been all over it had I been remotely famous or BFF's with Marky Mark. It's a sick sad world. I'm okay with that part. I would appreciate some honesty or maybe nothing said at all. I mean really. Like I wouldn't know?
Anyways other than that, I've had alone time (finallyyyy!!) and have written and recorded 5 ( I think?) new songs! I had a creative streak and it was brilliant. I had no idea so much was waiting to be released. I should be channeling my creativity regularly but even in this fairly large house I don't really feel alone unless every one's actually off the premises. I guess I'm much more of a private person than I thought.
I also started writing a book called "Sorry, Babe. You're Not On The Guest List: The Life And Times Of A No-Hit-Wonder". It's a series of memoirs that I started sifting through by recommendation of my good friend. I've put that project on hold though. At least for now.
Up to more recent times, I sent out demo submissions last week for the first time. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm really really hoping someone at least keeps the CD for their own pleasure. The bar is set for some actual positive feedback though. It will take a while and I'm happy wondering. The rejection scares me though. The entire world can tell you you're good but one person can send that tumbling down. I've learned to simply accept it though. Instead of putting myself through hell by holding off and waiting I went right into it and sent them before I changed my mind. Like pulling off a band-aide.
I'm happy to say that I have indeed been feeling better lately. Due to my creative spree mostly. I feel happily satisfied and relieved from getting everything out on to this plane. And as predicted, I'm starting to feel somewhat fatigued from it all. But in a good way. The last few weeks were refreshing.. And enlightening. I discovered how much space and solitude I need to properly create and outlet my music and that I could deffo benefit from living in a monastery for a decade. Maybe I'm the only one with such a hard time getting a grip on reality. Honestly, I don't want to be here. I could live inside my head forever. I don't think there's a place for me on earth unless it's as a star. The only other place I can imagine being happy would be in the heavens burning through the cosmos. So, it's either a star here or a star there.. hmm.
I could always indulge in self-medicating and become just another. But that seems far too painful.
It honestly scares me to think that I might be living in vain. Trying to get to the end of a pipe dream. That terrifies me. And also makes me sad. The more I think the less I believe that I'm special enough to be the one out of the million to make it.
A best friend came to me with her troubles the other day. It seemed to me that she was on the right path, getting ahead, everything was right as rain, and things would end happily. It turns out that she too is scared and lost. She too feels that maybe it's all in vain and that the future is so uncertain it terrifies her too. It suddenly occurred to me that everyone is lost. I'm not the only one anymore and that's somewhat comforting. I felt like the world was passing me by and everything I've been doing the past few years have been nothing but smoke and fog. I guess everyone who follows their dreams feel lost and scared.
Why do you think that is? Is it the uncertainty... or maybe the fear that you won't reach the end of the yellow brick road-- that you'll lose your way at some point and die in the depths of obscurity? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
I guess you really have to struggle to get what you want. Besides without struggle, fear, and sadness we wouldn't be able to realize the things that make us happy.
I hope all dreamers, dream weavers, day dream believers, and dream followers make it to the end of their yellow brick roads. I hope it's far easier at the end.
Let me add this:
All flamingos deserve beautiful names.
Just like Marilyn Le'Roy.
Love&sugar,
Sarah Rocks!
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