Tomorrow Is Always Better Than Yesterday.

Hello again
So today was kind of a bust. Woke up and the sky wasn't greeting too kindly. It was overcast and ended pouring around 5. I swept and mopped my home today. Vacuumed. Woo. Not really. It was so boring. I hate mopping and sweeping. It's on my top ten least fave chores. Ugh. Yeah, so I guess you see now my life isn't THAT fabulous. It has its grande points though. Sometimes... Sort of.
Anyways, That was my day. That and i'm like falling apart. My jaw is hurting so damn bad. It's like bruised or something. I dunno it's weird. It has been hurting so bad for a few days now. I can barely eat. That and today i've been sick to my stomach. I'm struggling. Ha ha. Tomorrow will be better though. Tomorrow is always better than yesterday. Right? Usually I guess. Hm. Hah. My blogs are so in depth. And i'm telling you people. This is how in depth I am.

I'm a simpleton dammit.

-Sarah ROcks!

The Things I Break

Well, another day another dollar I suppose.
It's Sunday and I just finished watching the MTV Video Music Awards. It was pretty shitty I certainly didn't fully enjoy it. Not the way I used to. I dunno. I get really kind of cynical while watching. Perhaps because I wish I was the one on the stage performing or accepting a moon man from some over-rated pop culture icon.
I really only tuned in for Justin Timberlake's performance. He did awesome. Although he didn't appear alot during the show he still did an awesome job with his performances. I'm so in love with that boy. Ha ha, I have a school girl crush. Which can be petty and get the best of me but mainly reminds me that i'm alive. Weird, but seriously. You know that when you have a crush it makes you just feel emotion at a higher frequency than other people. Like a hypersensitivity with any thing involving that particular person. Ha ha, It's pretty cool. He's like everything I dream about. Sad. But, hey, I'm still only 18. Ha ha, so I can crush on him and it won't be weird. Hah.
I saw Britney Spears open. Wow. It seems like only a shell of her. She was just so bored with it. I thought she would've been better but it was so melancholy. Not what I had expected. But she made the comeback. A subtle comeback... But still better than nothing I suppose.

I was kind of outraged to see Fall Out Boy get so much attention for their pre-pube-musick. (Yeah I coined it so ima use it C:) They actually won VMA's which was totally ridiculous. I loathe them so much. When I'm famous I will be sure to give them hell for being the prime example of selling for a quick buck and also the decline of music and rise of cocky egos.

I'll get my chance to be a star.

Maybe not tonight or tomorrow.

But it's coming.

I can feel it in my heart.

I can feel it in my blood.

I'll show them how it's done.

-Sarah Rocks!

He Walked In, His name: Eddie Edge.

Well, Hello again
I've been feeling a little more myself lately. Pretty much ever since my last post. I released the demons. =) Anyways, I told you about the whole stupid scene show thing did I not? Yeah, it sucked. One good thing did come out of it though. The boy. The ultimate boy. The one I've fretted about. The tattoos, piercings and Axl Rose hair. He's a guitarist. He's perfect. His name to heat my love up to a perfect simmer: Eddie Edge.
Tonight I IMed him. Reluctantly. I was scared to talk to him. I have a fear of rejection that I keep in check but sometimes will get the best of me. We talked. He was sweet. So adorably clueless. It was a short converstaion. He left in the middle without a goodbye. Which kind of killed me inside. But, whatever. I got more than expected in the first place.
Sigh, Why do I fall for these drop-dead-stare-boys? It sucks. I wish I was asexual. Ha ha. That would make things so much easier. Or maybe it would make me a sad person..? I dunno. I really want to get close to him. I would love it if he would acknowledge me. I feel so stupid saying all this but atleast i know that no one who knows me will see and tell.
Anyways, I wrote a formal business letter today to Tennman Records. I really really hope I get something back. Not a record contract just because that would be hoping for too much seeing that I haven't even sent a demo yet. But more like a welcome. You know... a welcoming response with open arms. Now, I know very well that the industry is cold but still. I kind of have hope that it's not always like the books and documentaries. I just want something that would make me easy inside and able to send a demo without vomitting during the 2-3 week wait for a response. Ha ha. I know everything will work out for me. Everyday I feel closer.. One step closer to that beautiful pedestool called fame. I just wanna make it. I wanna be envied and loved. I wanna hear people singing my music and wearing my name on their sleeves. I wanna travel to New York on monday, shop in Miami on Wednesday and party at the Oscars in Hollywood on Friday. I don't care about reality anymore. I feel oblivious and like the world is in my control. Which I guess it sort of is. From your own perspective.

I know I've got it.

Whatever "It" is.

I've also got a lonely heart.

Lucky girl.

-Sarah Rocks!

What Am I Doing?

Well, hello again.
I'm very bad at keeping up with this thing. I told you it would happen! However, I'm trying. I really need this outlet and.. well, it's better than talking to myself. All the thoughts just sort of mesh after a while and you become this bitter bitch of a person.
So, ever since the death of my friend I have been a total hermit. Being that I've screened calls left and right and have just put my guard up to keep everyone away. I'd sleep the days away. Be irritable around everyone. And just spend my nights on the computer talking to people but from that wonderful distant internet wall. I guess internet makes it easier to talk to someone and be yourself.
I finally decided to leave the house with Alexz. We went to a show that I promised my little brother I'd be at. It was Monday, labor day, it was boring. I've never been more bored than when I was at that show. Pretty much by myself because alexz was snorting coke with two scene girls in his car for about 20 minutes and was a good 30 minutes late before hand. Yeah, He does coke. I knew he did. I won't stop him because it's his life and he says he'll stop. Whatever. I could give a fuck. He's ofi's problem not mine. She can worry about him all she wants. You see? This is how heartless and cold i've become. Maybe i'm just bored. Same drama. Same people. Same days of the week. Nothing here changes. People don't change. They're always the same template of a human being no matter how you look at it.
Anyways, I realized how stupid the local scene is. It's not even worth a charge up to the front anymore. Everyone sounds exactly the same. Same singing styles. Same riffs. I went to sort of scope things out before I wanted to make some noise. It's not even worth it at this point. I can honestly say that i'm better than alot of these talentless fucks making a buck off of their noise today. And I say noise because it's not even music. Actually, noise is an understatement. I'm going to call it pre-pube-musick. Prebuescent musick. -ICK because it literally makes me sick.
I hate them for their big egos. They've nothing to be proud of. Ugh. I'm so done with it. I've been wanting to leave for so long. Which brings me to my next point.
Our home is beign forclosed on. Just because. The market it slow, the owner needs some cash and we don't want to buy. So they're going to sell it. Soon. The parents and everyone but ME want to move to Tennesee. Yeah, fuck me hard right? I fucking hate Tennesee. We went there on vacation and it flat out sucked nuts. I slept in the hotel while the parents scoped the land of Nashville. I was that bored.
I'm not a country girl and maybe, just maybe it won't be so bad. Nothing can be worse than Lehigh. I'm done with Florida. I've milked it for all it's worth and beat it to a bloody pulp. I want to leave and never come back.
With that in mind, this however unfortunate move might be the push off i'm looking for. I haven't had motivation to leave the state until now. Well now that it's mandatory. And it's not like I have to start school there or anything. I'm a high school graduate dead-beat. So it all works out ok I guess. Just live in the hills for a few and then Bang: make my way to the other coast. To the mecca of music.
I don't care who said Nashville was the music capital of anything. To me, it's not. Not even close. It's a mountainous stretch. With cannibalistic hillbillies. Fuck rednecks. I've had my fair share of them.

I feel better now that my shit is in the open.

It was worth the effort.

-Sarah Rocks!