What Am I Doing?
Well, hello again.
I'm very bad at keeping up with this thing. I told you it would happen! However, I'm trying. I really need this outlet and.. well, it's better than talking to myself. All the thoughts just sort of mesh after a while and you become this bitter bitch of a person.
So, ever since the death of my friend I have been a total hermit. Being that I've screened calls left and right and have just put my guard up to keep everyone away. I'd sleep the days away. Be irritable around everyone. And just spend my nights on the computer talking to people but from that wonderful distant internet wall. I guess internet makes it easier to talk to someone and be yourself.
I finally decided to leave the house with Alexz. We went to a show that I promised my little brother I'd be at. It was Monday, labor day, it was boring. I've never been more bored than when I was at that show. Pretty much by myself because alexz was snorting coke with two scene girls in his car for about 20 minutes and was a good 30 minutes late before hand. Yeah, He does coke. I knew he did. I won't stop him because it's his life and he says he'll stop. Whatever. I could give a fuck. He's ofi's problem not mine. She can worry about him all she wants. You see? This is how heartless and cold i've become. Maybe i'm just bored. Same drama. Same people. Same days of the week. Nothing here changes. People don't change. They're always the same template of a human being no matter how you look at it.
Anyways, I realized how stupid the local scene is. It's not even worth a charge up to the front anymore. Everyone sounds exactly the same. Same singing styles. Same riffs. I went to sort of scope things out before I wanted to make some noise. It's not even worth it at this point. I can honestly say that i'm better than alot of these talentless fucks making a buck off of their noise today. And I say noise because it's not even music. Actually, noise is an understatement. I'm going to call it pre-pube-musick. Prebuescent musick. -ICK because it literally makes me sick.
I hate them for their big egos. They've nothing to be proud of. Ugh. I'm so done with it. I've been wanting to leave for so long. Which brings me to my next point.
Our home is beign forclosed on. Just because. The market it slow, the owner needs some cash and we don't want to buy. So they're going to sell it. Soon. The parents and everyone but ME want to move to Tennesee. Yeah, fuck me hard right? I fucking hate Tennesee. We went there on vacation and it flat out sucked nuts. I slept in the hotel while the parents scoped the land of Nashville. I was that bored.
I'm not a country girl and maybe, just maybe it won't be so bad. Nothing can be worse than Lehigh. I'm done with Florida. I've milked it for all it's worth and beat it to a bloody pulp. I want to leave and never come back.
With that in mind, this however unfortunate move might be the push off i'm looking for. I haven't had motivation to leave the state until now. Well now that it's mandatory. And it's not like I have to start school there or anything. I'm a high school graduate dead-beat. So it all works out ok I guess. Just live in the hills for a few and then Bang: make my way to the other coast. To the mecca of music.
I don't care who said Nashville was the music capital of anything. To me, it's not. Not even close. It's a mountainous stretch. With cannibalistic hillbillies. Fuck rednecks. I've had my fair share of them.
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