Inept Teenager By Day, Glitterati By Night.
Hey,
I wanted to share with someone but you can't really go "Hey!! What's Up.... Yeah, Yeah, that's cool but listen to this:" Ya know? It's just not cricket.
Before I get down to it, I wanted to let you know that my day is going perfect right now. This very moment I am happy. Just here. If I could stay in this moment forever I would. I would deffo wanna have more exciting moments maybe but, I'm currently clear and balanced. Maybe because I cleaned my room and can breathe again. I burned Amber and "Bright Star" incense and put on my "Happy" play list.
I think the incense and clarity of my room has balanced me out. I was feeling sick earlier but now I feel just right. Literally very balanced. The sounds from my play list help though.
There are certain things every human associates with memories, people, places, objects whatever. Fact.
Sometimes when we smell something or taste something we think of a distant memory and get lost in a wonderful moment. Like reliving it all over again at least for that brief second. I think a lot of times the fleeting nature of these wonderful things is what makes us slightly crazy and sad there after. Those sweet tastes and smells are indeed always fleeting. Even if they last for hours, it's never long enough.
This moment is one of those. I can't help but try to hold on. Try not to move. Try not to blink. Try to let it all sink in sooo deep that I won't miss it when it's gone. But I know I will.
The songs on my play list aren't all that special lyrically or musically. But they work in that same memory association way.
My favorite memory is from last year when I went with my sister for a week to West Palm Beach. She was training and I stayed in that lush hotel all day. I stayed downstairs on that beautiful patio all day beneath a clear blue sky the entire week. Listening to the sounds of the pool and posh people talk business on their cell-phones while they ate their lunch with colleagues. I remember sitting there in the warm air at that beautiful patio table under that canvas umbrella just listening to the water of the Greek fountains trickle. Then upstairs to that big comfy room to nap, write, talk to friends, have lunch.... to just relax.
It was so nice. Just enjoying my own company and working on my music. I like to hope that my life will be that way permanently someday. That I can sit in a lush hotel exactly like that one if not better, enjoying the swishing of the palms, trickling of ornate fountains, bright sun, clear blue sky, the warm breeze, fresh air, quiet hum of people, and the soft splashing of the pool surrounded by socialites quietly sunbathing in their own world... maybe add someone serving cold cocktails all day long.
And where would I be among this? Sitting under the umbrella in my sunglasses enjoying an icy Italian soda or cocktail while working. And my work being writing my music. Working on my next greatest hit. Or new material for my sophomore release.
Living like that, writing my music for millions to enjoy, performing huge concerts with a backing band of lively, fun, sweet diverse people, touring and living in the towers where everyday would be set in the lap of luxury is where I want to be.
I think it'd be nice to get another week like that by myself or with one or two friends for my birthday (Which is coming up soon might I add). Buy some groceries to take with me so there'd be no need to buy expensive meals. Just pamper myself/ourselves in the hotel. Catch some sun. And write music. And if my friends are there, we'll spend the days in the sun reminiscing about the old and new and enjoy just being together under the sun, under the palms, in the lap of luxury soaking up the R&R. That's exactly what I want for my birthday and for the rest of my life.
Hey,
Sigh, so I guess everything is fine for me. I've been feeling very wistful lately. I think it's the x-mas season. I used to love x-mas. Now I'm kinda down. I'm putting positive thoughts in my head and trying to keep myself up. But something in me just isn't right. I'm ultimately feeling guilty. Because i'm jobless and can't support myself or my family. But, I know that's not my responsibility. Well, it is to support myself but not my family.. Right? I dunno, alot has happened financially with my parents and I just want to give them all the money in the world and make them happy. I want them to have everything they've ever wanted and not worry about anything ever again. They work really hard and they should know that I above anyone else am truly thankful for them and all that they do. And all they've given me and give me everyday.
Music doesn't pay my bills right now. And I accepted that when I filled out the "True Destiny" application. I'm trying to keep my head up. I want to avoid them at all costs though. I mean is that wrong? But, they're always so worried about numbers. And it makes me sick. I know numbers are important but that's all. They're important. End of story. Why worry? Worry only attracts worry? I wish I could communicate this with them. But, they won't listen to me. Anytime I make a critique of anything they throw the whole "You're jobless and living here so you have no oppinion." thing in my face. I hate it. And I hate that I've been swallowing down so much. It is tearing me to shreds. I'm not one to take anything sitting down but lately i've been having to do that. Or wanting to for their sake. Just to keep things quiet. And all the quiet is making me feel horrible. There's something wrong. I don't want to feel horrible. Who does? But, I don't have a choice. This is why I avoid them. To keep the negative energy as far away as possible. I'm happier when they're not around when i'm in my own world. I'm the happiest alone. Which makes me sad all the same. Haha, this is a revolving nightmare. It's okay though. I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna get signed to that big label and tour and leave it all behind and give them the money they need and live in LA and cut albums and inspire the world. Inspire everyone on the planet to go for their dreams. No matter what your day job or current situation. To just do it. That's what i'm doing and i'm so happy to know that it's my destiny to be that inspirational. To be the bearer of hope. I wish I could do that for the people in my immediate surroundings but, I guess they're the types who need to see me alongside Stevie Wonder at the Grammys accepting my 5th award on stage to actually feel proud or inspired. I dunno.
In other news and something good, me and Ofi are starting a clothing business together. It will be recycled tees turned runway. Very chic. Very fun. Very comfy. Very affordable. I think it will do well. It's safe to say. Especially seeing that we're both very driven for it to do well and make up some moolah.
As for the EP, I'm not sure on the release yet. I'm still waiting for my drum tracks and word. So it might not be out til like late Jan or Feb at this point. Whatever the case it will get done and released. I'm confident about that.
I'm confident about D as well. He's got good things coming his way and i'm so excited for him. And super obliged to say I know him and knew him before he was famous. Hahaha, cause I know he's gonna be famous. I really think next year is his year. He's gonna be a sure spectacle. I'm just hoping I get tossed a bone or something. Maybe while on his way to the top he passes my EP on to another and things will happen. I promised myself next year would be fantastic and I'm really positive that it will. So far so good. I can smell it.
Hey,
Not a whole lot happening here. Finished the EP. Waiting for my drum tracks to return from down-under. I'm pretty bored right now. Which is no way to be. And it's not just now it's overall. I've been overall bored for months now. Nothing new has come my way. And I haven't found anything new either. So i'm just sorta keeping my mind and eyes open.
So Halloween was a bittle suckish. Not too much happened. Thanksgiving was also lame. My friend over stayed his welcome here because he's homeless. He was not a good house guest. And didn't do anything in return. And for all that, I was the one getting the shit from the rents for it. So that was the last time I think i'll have him over.. If not for a long long while.
I'm just waiting for christmas to roll past. I'm not super excited for it but it does signify the end and begining which is always refreshing.
So lately i've been studying more about numerology. D's numerology report is decent. His expression is an 8. Same as Justin Timberlake's. The 8 pretty much says that it's his birth right to have some dominion over the world. Which JT totally has if you think about it. My numerology is of course scary. 22/4, 3. My lifepath says i'm gonna be some sorta revolutionary shifter. And my expression says i'm meant to be an entertainer. You know what I saw that I thought was very interesting. D's an 8 like JT and i'm a 3 like Britney Spears. Haha... ahem. I really hope i don't end up exactly like that. Like her ya know? It's not all bad though. Iggy Pop is also a 3. So i'm thinking that I really may do something extravagant in the industry. 22, 3 ya know.. Kinda scary. Haha. I certainly hope I live up to the expectations of the divine and earth bound.
Other than that business not too much. Excited for the EP! Woo! I really think and know some huge breakthrough is gonna come from it. Everytime I think about it I get the jumblies in my stomach. Which is nice. =]
