Tomorrow Is Always Better Than Yesterday.

Hello again
So today was kind of a bust. Woke up and the sky wasn't greeting too kindly. It was overcast and ended pouring around 5. I swept and mopped my home today. Vacuumed. Woo. Not really. It was so boring. I hate mopping and sweeping. It's on my top ten least fave chores. Ugh. Yeah, so I guess you see now my life isn't THAT fabulous. It has its grande points though. Sometimes... Sort of.
Anyways, That was my day. That and i'm like falling apart. My jaw is hurting so damn bad. It's like bruised or something. I dunno it's weird. It has been hurting so bad for a few days now. I can barely eat. That and today i've been sick to my stomach. I'm struggling. Ha ha. Tomorrow will be better though. Tomorrow is always better than yesterday. Right? Usually I guess. Hm. Hah. My blogs are so in depth. And i'm telling you people. This is how in depth I am.

I'm a simpleton dammit.

-Sarah ROcks!

The Things I Break

Well, another day another dollar I suppose.
It's Sunday and I just finished watching the MTV Video Music Awards. It was pretty shitty I certainly didn't fully enjoy it. Not the way I used to. I dunno. I get really kind of cynical while watching. Perhaps because I wish I was the one on the stage performing or accepting a moon man from some over-rated pop culture icon.
I really only tuned in for Justin Timberlake's performance. He did awesome. Although he didn't appear alot during the show he still did an awesome job with his performances. I'm so in love with that boy. Ha ha, I have a school girl crush. Which can be petty and get the best of me but mainly reminds me that i'm alive. Weird, but seriously. You know that when you have a crush it makes you just feel emotion at a higher frequency than other people. Like a hypersensitivity with any thing involving that particular person. Ha ha, It's pretty cool. He's like everything I dream about. Sad. But, hey, I'm still only 18. Ha ha, so I can crush on him and it won't be weird. Hah.
I saw Britney Spears open. Wow. It seems like only a shell of her. She was just so bored with it. I thought she would've been better but it was so melancholy. Not what I had expected. But she made the comeback. A subtle comeback... But still better than nothing I suppose.

I was kind of outraged to see Fall Out Boy get so much attention for their pre-pube-musick. (Yeah I coined it so ima use it C:) They actually won VMA's which was totally ridiculous. I loathe them so much. When I'm famous I will be sure to give them hell for being the prime example of selling for a quick buck and also the decline of music and rise of cocky egos.

I'll get my chance to be a star.

Maybe not tonight or tomorrow.

But it's coming.

I can feel it in my heart.

I can feel it in my blood.

I'll show them how it's done.

-Sarah Rocks!

He Walked In, His name: Eddie Edge.

Well, Hello again
I've been feeling a little more myself lately. Pretty much ever since my last post. I released the demons. =) Anyways, I told you about the whole stupid scene show thing did I not? Yeah, it sucked. One good thing did come out of it though. The boy. The ultimate boy. The one I've fretted about. The tattoos, piercings and Axl Rose hair. He's a guitarist. He's perfect. His name to heat my love up to a perfect simmer: Eddie Edge.
Tonight I IMed him. Reluctantly. I was scared to talk to him. I have a fear of rejection that I keep in check but sometimes will get the best of me. We talked. He was sweet. So adorably clueless. It was a short converstaion. He left in the middle without a goodbye. Which kind of killed me inside. But, whatever. I got more than expected in the first place.
Sigh, Why do I fall for these drop-dead-stare-boys? It sucks. I wish I was asexual. Ha ha. That would make things so much easier. Or maybe it would make me a sad person..? I dunno. I really want to get close to him. I would love it if he would acknowledge me. I feel so stupid saying all this but atleast i know that no one who knows me will see and tell.
Anyways, I wrote a formal business letter today to Tennman Records. I really really hope I get something back. Not a record contract just because that would be hoping for too much seeing that I haven't even sent a demo yet. But more like a welcome. You know... a welcoming response with open arms. Now, I know very well that the industry is cold but still. I kind of have hope that it's not always like the books and documentaries. I just want something that would make me easy inside and able to send a demo without vomitting during the 2-3 week wait for a response. Ha ha. I know everything will work out for me. Everyday I feel closer.. One step closer to that beautiful pedestool called fame. I just wanna make it. I wanna be envied and loved. I wanna hear people singing my music and wearing my name on their sleeves. I wanna travel to New York on monday, shop in Miami on Wednesday and party at the Oscars in Hollywood on Friday. I don't care about reality anymore. I feel oblivious and like the world is in my control. Which I guess it sort of is. From your own perspective.

I know I've got it.

Whatever "It" is.

I've also got a lonely heart.

Lucky girl.

-Sarah Rocks!

What Am I Doing?

Well, hello again.
I'm very bad at keeping up with this thing. I told you it would happen! However, I'm trying. I really need this outlet and.. well, it's better than talking to myself. All the thoughts just sort of mesh after a while and you become this bitter bitch of a person.
So, ever since the death of my friend I have been a total hermit. Being that I've screened calls left and right and have just put my guard up to keep everyone away. I'd sleep the days away. Be irritable around everyone. And just spend my nights on the computer talking to people but from that wonderful distant internet wall. I guess internet makes it easier to talk to someone and be yourself.
I finally decided to leave the house with Alexz. We went to a show that I promised my little brother I'd be at. It was Monday, labor day, it was boring. I've never been more bored than when I was at that show. Pretty much by myself because alexz was snorting coke with two scene girls in his car for about 20 minutes and was a good 30 minutes late before hand. Yeah, He does coke. I knew he did. I won't stop him because it's his life and he says he'll stop. Whatever. I could give a fuck. He's ofi's problem not mine. She can worry about him all she wants. You see? This is how heartless and cold i've become. Maybe i'm just bored. Same drama. Same people. Same days of the week. Nothing here changes. People don't change. They're always the same template of a human being no matter how you look at it.
Anyways, I realized how stupid the local scene is. It's not even worth a charge up to the front anymore. Everyone sounds exactly the same. Same singing styles. Same riffs. I went to sort of scope things out before I wanted to make some noise. It's not even worth it at this point. I can honestly say that i'm better than alot of these talentless fucks making a buck off of their noise today. And I say noise because it's not even music. Actually, noise is an understatement. I'm going to call it pre-pube-musick. Prebuescent musick. -ICK because it literally makes me sick.
I hate them for their big egos. They've nothing to be proud of. Ugh. I'm so done with it. I've been wanting to leave for so long. Which brings me to my next point.
Our home is beign forclosed on. Just because. The market it slow, the owner needs some cash and we don't want to buy. So they're going to sell it. Soon. The parents and everyone but ME want to move to Tennesee. Yeah, fuck me hard right? I fucking hate Tennesee. We went there on vacation and it flat out sucked nuts. I slept in the hotel while the parents scoped the land of Nashville. I was that bored.
I'm not a country girl and maybe, just maybe it won't be so bad. Nothing can be worse than Lehigh. I'm done with Florida. I've milked it for all it's worth and beat it to a bloody pulp. I want to leave and never come back.
With that in mind, this however unfortunate move might be the push off i'm looking for. I haven't had motivation to leave the state until now. Well now that it's mandatory. And it's not like I have to start school there or anything. I'm a high school graduate dead-beat. So it all works out ok I guess. Just live in the hills for a few and then Bang: make my way to the other coast. To the mecca of music.
I don't care who said Nashville was the music capital of anything. To me, it's not. Not even close. It's a mountainous stretch. With cannibalistic hillbillies. Fuck rednecks. I've had my fair share of them.

I feel better now that my shit is in the open.

It was worth the effort.

-Sarah Rocks!

Too Little Too Late.

So...
It's been a while since i've blogged. Or even talked to anyone. Well first things first. I got back together with the boyfriend. After several disposals I still picked him out of the can. Whatever i'm needy. Somewhat happy though. I really wanna find that rocker boy. The one who sings and plays guitar in a band... licks like Mick Mars and chops like slash...Hair like axl of course.
Sigh, someday soon I hope. Anyways, yesterday I found out that one of my friends passed. I went to school with her and we were friends.. She was a very sweet girl. Before we graduated she gave me a wallet of her senior photo. On the back she wrote a note about how I should go fulfil all of my dreams. It was inspiring and I carried it with me in my wallet everywhere. Then I heard the news. Four days ago she died. I knew she was battling cancer but I didn't know it was going to take her life. I thought she had been getting better. She looked better everyday. But she just stopped treating it. And simply let it decide for itself.
It broke my heart. She was going to do amazing things. It just was a shock. And i really still can't beileve shes gone. I will still keep her inspiration with me everyday. When alot of people never beileved in me she was one of the ones who did always. I know shes happier in another life.
It really made me realize how short time is. We never have enough time. I wanna see the world before I leave it.

I wanna make my life worth living

And totally the envy for other people.

-Sarah Rocks!

I'm Running Late

I know I know, I haven't been keeping up. I'm sorry. But, not a whole lot has really been happening here..
A few things happened just recently and I guess I'll share my thoughts on that with you.
Well, I rekindled an old friendship with a dear person in my life who slipped away because she was going through some really tough times (pregnancy, father diagnosed with cancer, moving etc.) We started talking again and have been closer than ever now. She's doing really well and I really am proud of her. She went through so much shit and just kept waking up every morning and dealing with it. She's really one of my heroes because now she's engaged, a mother to a healthy baby boy, and has her own place in a nice community. She's really doing well and she may be down on herself all the time because of whatever but, she shouldn't. She's just amazing and I really wish she would see that.
We went to play pool for her 21st birthday. It was loads of fun! That and I haven't seen her drunk in a long long time ha ha! She really did have a good time and I'm glad.
Anyways, other than that I had a coming of age moment. I got a Monroe! Yeah! It's hurting so bad right now and my lip is swollen on one side. So, it looks like I had botox done in one section of my lip. It sucks. But, it was totally worth it. It's so cute! My mom on the other hand doesn't like it neither my dad but that's OK. They've gotten over it.. When I first got it two days ago I was shitting bricks on what they would do when I got home. They just were disappointed. It was surprising. Majorly. I thought they were going to kill me but they didn't. They got over it. So, yeah, I was amazed. Anyways, other than that, nothing really going on here. Theres a show tonight I really want to go to but I'm not sure if I can. We went to the keys the weekend my parents got back. It sucked ha ha. I also sold my first art piece! Woo! I made 108 bucks off of it!! Yeah! It was great. I was proud and I'm curious who bought it exactly.
Other than that shit nothing going on.

At least my life isn't boring.

I think..

-Sarah Rocks!

Thots Exploding.

Hey again
I know I've been reluctant about the blogs but I'm really trying. I forced myself to write this one right now. If I don't do it now I may not get the chance again.
Well, my parents left town. They went on vacation to MN. Pretty exciting. For them at least. Not what I would call a vacation but that's OK. They're having fun. Friday night I went to a show at The Smiling Dog Saloon. It was fun for the most part. Most bands sucked. Anyways I made brownies for the guitarist of SVW. What a dick. He seriously needs to be more respectful. I made three batches of brownies for him and who ever else and all I got was thanks *snark*. Mean while, the drummer Matt, who is nothing like the rest of them, was so thankful and gave me a hug and big thanks for the trouble. He was so sweet. But, whatever. I'm done with them. They've got it all and are too proud to do anything about it. It pisses me off. Stupid boys with their rock star egos.
So, the rest of the bands really blew chunks. But, there was one band that was amazing. My Complex Island. They came on and cleared a big space for their performance. When they went on they fucking conquered. The lead singer kept coming up really close to me and pointed at me in one of the songs. He kept running up and singing to me. It was great. And he smelled really yummy, ha ha! Like citrus cologne. Anyways. There's something really amazing about him. He was just I dunno. Something about him just made me melt. I've never met him or seen them before. It was their second show ever. But, they were amazing. I think I've developed some weird crush on the lead singer. He may be 24 but.. I don't know. He was putting off pheromones or something. Something about him just stayed with me.
The band was supposed to come and party with us but they got caught up in the SVW hype. Jackasses. Anyways, maybe next time. I'm still in love.
Later that night after the show, we went to SK's house and I had way too much to drink. I don't remember much after that. I know we got home around 5AM though.
We slept a few hours and then drove to Orlando. On a whim ha ha. They want me to move with them up to Orlando by the end of the year.
I guess the night before i thought it was a good idea. But, to be quite honest, I probably couldn't stand living two seconds with Ofi And Alexz. I'd go nuts. It would really suck. It's not that I hate them or anything but, It would just be shit. Alexz is a compulsive liar who gives me a lot of shit even when he's the one who is the true dumb fuck and Ofi is a follow-the-leader girl now with really not much of a backbone. I just wouldn't like it. I'd get that sick feeling I tend to get when I'm stuck.
I told them that it probably wasn't going to happen and to just look for two bedrooms. Anyways, We got back and I crashed. Totally fatigued.
Today me and my sister and her husband went to the beach and bonded. It was fun. The water was very warm. Ha Ha.
... I really want that guy. Ha ha ha, it's truly horrible that I'm swooning for him sooo bad but, whatever. I'm going to try to woo him...

I guess...

-Sarah Rocks!

Six Days Later

So it's been six days since my last post. I can understand why.
This week has been pretty shitty. Me and my love got back together. Yeah, I'm fucking weak. I didn't leave the house all week because of it. And then we got back together and everything is gravy... sort of. Its the same old thing but this time I'm only staying with him for security reasons. I know that sounds horrible. But, I love the guy and he's not understanding so to keep him in my life until further notice it's what I got to do.
Last night was the big Sarah Rocks! Birthday party. Not as big as anyone anticipated. Only four people actually... Including myself. Kind of sad but hey, we still had fun. I got kind of drunk met this cool kid with a rough past and learned a lot about him.
The best thing about meeting new people is just that.
Oh, and something else happened. Alexz told me that he and his Bea, Jason, are moving in a month and a half to Orlando. I'm kind of sad about that. Even though I rag on him so much doesn't mean I don't love the idiot. Anyways, he's leaving and he wants me to go with them. He told me that he wants me to leave this town because I'm just too much for it. I need to go somewhere that I can follow my dreams and not be stuck here. It made me kind of sad to hear that.
Not like offensive but just that it's true. I don't want my dreams to fall out of the sky. I need to leave this place and I think I might. It just might be worth it to start a new life somewhere else. Sort of as a push off. I think I'm going to get a job save as much as I can and then see where I want to go with it. Then if I want to go I'll be somewhat stable financial. For a little while at least.

I want to get out of this town so bad.

This might be the push I've been looking for.

Sarah Rocks!

Oh-Ver

Hey
I feel like I got hit by an emotional truck. I broke up with my love. He's not even that anymore. He's just that guy. I thought so highly of him and he just slapped me around verbally. I didn't realize it until I broke it off. He turned from loving to hatred in a matter of a split second. Everyone says it happened because he can't bare that he lost me and couldn't control me anymore. He said such awful things and all I wanted was to be his friend in the end. He wanted me to hurt.
It makes me cringe when I look back at all that happened. How I begged for him to forgive me, How he told me to suffer for being stupid and cruel. It was a rough night.
Now I'm kinda anxious to go and have fun. To do something good for myself. Like as a reward for saving myself. I kind of feel like my own super hero. It's a good feeling. I still miss him. The way it was before. The person I thought he was. The way he made me feel. I don't need that..
I talked to my guru. I consult her about everything that goes on in my mind. She reads my Tarot and interprets my dreams for me. My Tarot said that love is coming into my life. That this mystery guy is older. Like 19-24. I'm so fascinated. I want to know who it is and where I'll meet him. She also said he's going to be serious but great. He's going to really be in love with me. I'm so excited. Ha ha.

I wanna meet my real love.

I wanna know what love really is.

I wanna get over that guy.

And I'm excited for all of it to happen.

-Sarah Rocks!

Each Night I Ask The Stars Up Above...

Hey
So I haven't updated my blog for the last, what, like three days now(?) because I've had to whole heartedly reflect the last couple of days.
Thursday was my birthday. My Dad brought home a cake decorated with a red guitar that said "Happy Birthday Sarah Rocks!" It was pretty cool. And oh, so delicious! That night I contemplated breaking up with my love.
{ Now, I'm going to pause for a second to explain the whole side-story of my love. My love shall remain just that. I don't want to use any names just because it's something important to me that I keep hidden because I don't want it to get ruined. I love him. Or at least I think I do. We've known each other for about six years, give or take. He's great and really my first love. We were great as friends but when it turned into this "Relationship" things got sloppy. We had a fight because I wanted to go to the way things were before: Just friends. He had a major problem and didn't want to handle it. We stopped talking for almost a year. Then I was the one to go crawling back and all he wants is a relationship. So up until now, he's been my love. }
I told him that I wanted to just be friends. Because we weren't working out and just arguing all the time. He got upset and said to just leave then. I changed my mind the next day because I didn't want to hurt him. Then I told him Friday night that I wanted to end it. And he just simply did the same thing. That night I thought.. A lot. I mean, I've just turned 18 and can barely stand on my own. The next day I ended up feeling right as rain and got back together. Then doomsday came.
He's Roman Catholic... Devout catholic. I'm not. I'm the total opposite: Wiccan. I Don't really feel to strongly about Catholics because I grew up in a catholic home and it's not pretty. At least that's the taste I've developed for it.
We were talking about religion and I told him this. He didn't exactly take it lightly. He tried to make me feel guilty about it and of course he took his arsenal in defense. A true crusader I guess. Anyhow, I ended up just wanting him to shut up. So when trying to change the subject doesn't work what do you do? Agree. You agree with everything the person says until they've dug themselves into a nice little hole. That erupted into a total fiasco of horror.
He told me that he thinks that I hate him because I hate his religion. He told me that I was a bad person. He told me that I needed to change for the better. He told me that I needed to be a better person. He told me that we HAD to make things work. He said " We're going to work this out.. RIGHT?" "You love me... RIGHT?" Talk about pressure.
I don't know what love is tonight. I talked to my confidant Ofi. And she told me that if he can't see that I'm a good person (Because I truly Am) then he's not worth it. She told me that what he has been doing (i.e making me feel bad, making me think that I'm to blame, the reverse psychology, changing myself, brainwashing etc. etc.) is a form of emotional abuse. I had no idea and was smacked in the face viciously.
... What exactly do you do when you realize that the person you love, the person you've known for years, the one you trust with everything and couldn't go a day without is trying to manipulate you?
I'm still trying to figure it out.
It's possible that it's just his nature. That he can't help it but I'm scared that it's purposely.

Other than that things are going well. I've bonded with my Dad the last two days. We never bond but we have been and it's been great. Maybe because I've matured and aren't worried about everyday teen living that I can actually afford to make the effort of growing closer to my Dad.

Yeah.

That's the end of my story.

For now.

...Why Must I Be A Teenager In Love?

-Sarah Rocks!

If You're Out There

Hey

If you're out in cyber-land and bored.. Well, obviously bored if you're reading this, then go to my music page and check me out. And if you too have a Myspace , then add it. I need all the support I can get!

Thanks!

-Sarah Rocks

http://www.myspace.com/averagejane

The Day Before Tomorrow

Hey.
So Today is the day before tomorrow. And tomorrow is.... My Birthday! Woo. I'm finally going to be 18. Hopefully it's everything I've wanted it to be for oh so long.

With that in mind I'm hoping that today is pretty decent all in its self. Not a lot going on in my neck of the woods. Same shit different story. Yesterday was very chill. My Ex-Band mates are still not really talking to me. Which was expected... stupid emo boys. But, I could care less. I'm the one signed to a label with an EP coming out soon. Yep, that's right. I'm moving up in the world. Slowly but surely. It's just a tempo thing. They feel so strongly about my music that they want to take me under their wing until I find a bigger label to sign with. It's pretty exciting actually. I'm pretty happy. I'm just not sure what direction I want to go with.

I'm a singer, songwriter, and guitarist. I like doing the acoustic singer/songwriter thing but.. I'm not big on acoustic. It's so plain sometimes and a lot of the stuff I write really needs that extra Oomph. If you catch my drift. I kind of wanna do what Joan Jett did with The Blackhearts. Like Sarah Rocks! And The Desperadoes. Or Sarah Rocks! And The Vagrants. <---I Like That one. Something like that I think would be perfect for me. I mean, all the bands I've been in I've been the UN-written leader and compose the basic ideas for songs. I think I'll start looking for musicians interested in being the Vagrants to my Sarah Rocks!

I Wonder if that made sense.

-Sarah Rocks!

Onion Petals

Hey Senor Blog,
Well it's about 2.00 pm and I only woke up an hour ago. My mum is talking to me about natural medicine in Honduras. She just visited and came back with some pretty interesting stuff. Including tree bark that in Honduras is called "Dead Mans Skin" Weird. I know. It's supposed to lower blood sugar and help with weight loss.
I tried some bark that I rubbed off of a piece. It was easily the most intense thing I've ever put in my mouth. You know how some foods taste bitter with flavor and what not well this was just the bitter sensation with no flavor. It made my mouth totally numb. It was sick. I don't know how she can drink it as a tea everyday.
Anyways, last night er, early this morning, around 3AM to be exact, I sent out a text to my band mates saying that I'm done. I totally just walked out on them. And you know what, I don't feel bad.. at all.
There's really only so much of a bad thing that one person can take. And I've had plenty of my fair share.
All the music produced now adays isn't original. And I'm sure you're going to say.. " oh yeah! Tell me about it!! That's why I'm Indie all the way! Woo Regina Spektor! Woo Cute is what we aim for!"
Give me A fucking break. No music, not even "Indie" is original. Everyone enjoys copy-catting other people. That's all it is. Music has come to a point where it's nothing but sound pollution. All over the airwaves what do you hear: Bitches and hos, drugs, sex. To: I want to die inside of your fluorescent rainbow. I'll give you this kiss if you give me a taste of your lips. Not to mention the same beats and back tracks to the same guitar riffs and progressions.
I've decided that I DON'T want to be a part of that. I'm going to say what I need to say and be done with it. No fucking beating around the bush to make shit sound more romantic or lucrative. Fuck that. That's why I quit the band. Not to mention our fruity lead singer the most scene, UN-original, over dramatic, compulsive liar I've ever met has enough in him to criticize me and my playing when he strums the same chords over and over again and calls that a "New Song I Wrote".
Seriously the only thing hes good for is cigarettes and catching a ride. That's it. I'd tell him off if I didn't need him. And I don't feel bad because I let him walk all over me for his benefit when we're together. But, little does he know that I could careless if he died today. He tells everyone he graduated high school at 16 when actually he didn't graduate at all! He dropped out at 16 and was too lazy to get a GED. His mummy and Daddy pay for everything so it's no matter to him what he does or whose money he wastes.

Whatever.

I'm done with it.

I'm done not letting the world know what kind of people there are out there.

And I'm done putting up a front.

-Sarah Rocks!

The First

Well,

i'm glad to say that i'm done with "Myspace" and want to do something a little more..hmm.. mature?

My name is Sarah Rocks! Not by birth, but that's what I go by. I'm a musician-- well, an artist of many trades. I play guitar, sing, sculpt, and do mixed media 3D art.

I just finished school. Whew. It's odd being in the real world and being considered an adult but hey, I can adjust. School wasn't really my thing. I did pretty well without trying.. at all... then again, the schooling in Florida is shit and I played favorites with all the teachers. Including the dean. So, whatever. I'm Done.

I'll be 18 in two days. Woo! I'm kind of stoked about that. Other than all that nonsensical stuff, theres not much going on here. I'm your typical teen. I go here and there. Meh. Whatever.

I'm just sorta stuck in this small town waiting for my life to begin.

Goal in Life:

Famous Musician.

Yeah, I plan on going far with my music. I also want to meet as many people as I can. People are interesting. Period. Everyones different. Everyones a little weird. And everyone is a novel waiting to be read.

That's the way I see it..

Although, there are the stupid people who insist on flipping themselves inside out just for a little attention and, in some cases, affection. Sound like my friends... Hey, i'm a small town girl living big town dreams I hang out whoever will benefit me. That's kind of cold I know but whatever. It's life. It's cut throat no matter how you look at it. My friends are walking contradictions. They're fake insecure and dead on the inside. They're not even of age and insist on drinking themselves to death. Someone I don't want to be. I like to party but not by myself if you catch my drift.

Whatever. I'm an awesome person. I try to help but shit blows up in my face. As always. It's like I already know all there is to know about these people and need some new people. I don't know if that made sense but.. yeah.

This is me.

Sarah Rocks!

Memoirs Of A Rockstar