Uh Oh.

I have no passion for what I do.

I thought I did... all this time but I was wrong. I guess. When faced with the question "Are you just chasing the Hollywood dream or do you wanna do something you love for the rest of your life?" I couldn't answer. I don't know if I really love music enough to sacrifice all my life for it. I've spent years doing just that and I'm already tired. Tired of being left back and watching everyone cruise forward. I feel stuck in a timestamp. Stuck in a frame of mind that never changed. I'm 20 and am already so weary and bitter about it all. I feel older than i am. But not wiser.
I think the dream has the true appeal. Anyone who says they want to be a musician when they grow up think there's some gorgeous path to go down. That it all ends wonderfully even without the fame and glory. But I really don't think it does. Everyone traveling this road feels the same.
Maybe I'm not as driven as I thought.
I will let everyone down. If i haven't already. I feel put on a pedestal by my friends. Like I'm the politician that promised the reforms and near to the end of my term without any promises fulfilled in sight.
I'm not as great as they think. I don't know what they see that I don't see. I wish I could see whatever it is they see. I wish i could hear what they hear. Maybe my senses are warped not in my favor. Being told you have a gift but not being able to sense it most days is hard. I wish I could though. I wish I knew and could fit those words and glory better.
I wish for confidence and assurance. Maybe a finger or signal in the right direction.

I dunno.

Maybe I'm as aimless as this blog.

Love&sugar,

Just Sarah Tonight.

The Passing Of Michael Jackson

A Michael Jackson cassette was the first tape I ever owned. That was one of my most prized possessions and treasured memories. As a musician now, I can honestly say that Michael Jackson was my first musical influence. I was head over heels for him when I was growing up and to this day cannot deny how big of an impact he made on me personally and musically. What an incredible person. I will always remember him as the seemingly immortal King Of Pop. No one can replace him. My condolences to all the broken hearted fans and family members mourning today.

Love&sugar,
Sarah Rocks

Please Embed This Everywhere.

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"The Bleeding Heart Musician" Is Dead.

I know so many people who go through the struggle everyday. With music I mean. Which means with life for me and the lot of them.

Just the other day someone asked me if I ever feel like giving up because this business seems to have no room for anyone. And I brushed it off because I was in a rather chipper mood. But as I sit here and ponder my surroundings and my hopes I realize that it's not only about not being the only person going down the bumpy road. It's also about being perhaps part of the majority who never stop and plug away until time swallows you whole and then spits you back out when you're 45. 45 and still being evicted and playing for free.

Of all things in the world i'm afraid of that.

The mere threat of me having no beautiful future and never being heard scares me to the point of chills. The worst thing is that I can't stop and those people, even if they had a chance, can't stop either. This is it. This is life for us bleeding heart musicians. We want nothing else but to chase the dream. We won't give up and people see that as brave where we only see foolishness. It's hard to believe you're brave when everything is passing you by and nothing comes your way. People move on and grow up but musicians are sent to a parallel universe where you can plug away and watch everyone else grow and succeed yet you're still stuck in the same time frame as you were in 1983.

What's funny. Nothing really but... a curious point is that the bands of legend and world famous musicians out there write the songs about The bleeding heart musician. They praise them by the book but cut them no slack in real time. Bleeding heart musicians are the foundation of Rock N Roll. They're what it's all about. They're the ghosts from the past that residually keep playing those shitty gigs and shoot up to forget that they're a mess and get drunk to numb the pain of weariness. It's funny how that works right? Right.

What's even better is this: we tell children to follow their dreams and never stop. That what can be imagined can be done or created. Once you turn 18 you're supposed to know that it was all a lie to keep your thoughts happily occupied.

How painfully heart-breaking.

You're a failure if you're a daydream believer.

With no future to look forward to.

That's the truth.

That's life.

That's the music biz, baby.

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

Om Mani Padme Hum.

Hey!

So, Omo stayed the night last night and we spent today together. It was a very relaxing day. My parents left for the keys as anticipated. Which gave us proper alone time to bond sister to sister.

This morning we woke up and had breakfast around 10. And, as planned, decided to go out and meditate under the tree. I burned a CD of Tibetan Monks chanting and oriental bells tolling. The weather this morn was phenomenal. We sat under the tree and burned incense while listening to the echoing of monks harmonizing.
I remember sitting and drifting away to Tibet on a dusty cliff somewhere. Then I was underneath a tree of cherry blossoms lying down as the blossoms swam likes schools of fish on the wind currents. When we came out of it Omo tried to teach me "Tree Stance". I'm not very balanced.. physically or emotionally so this wasn't really accomplished. But it was cool trying.
We both layed beneath the trees looking up at the branches and sky. I was most at peace there. Facing the sky with nothing but the ground below. It was a great feeling being that physically close to the earth and then spiritually so very high in the sky far far away.
I realized that when you're in tune to nature and only see growing beauty and life surrounding you, nothing else in the world matters. No problems can even phase you. You can try to dwell on them or think of the severity but in that moment it doesn't matter and nothing hurts. I think I felt true inner peace. While in that frame of mind, I heard something inside me whisper that it was all going to be okay. With that one phrase I heard a million echos that said everything would work out, that I would make my dreams real, that there's nothing to be afraid of and that I should recover from my recent doubt of myself and walk back to the path of me knowing that there is something about me different from the rest. That I am that special one in a million regardless of what I think.
Luckily i chewed back those tears that were welling up and took a deep breath of relief instead. It was a very comforting moment.
Omo quickly grew hungry so we went in after our retreat from the norm, ordered a 'za and watched "Hocus Pocus". After the movie we decided to go for a stroll around the boulevard and down the lane. The afternoon was very hot and dry. Deffo not a good day to wear black. We went into this two story plaza not too far from my house and checked out the second floor German Bistro. Originally omo and I were joking about buying liquor but instead had a delish round of iced coffee served with vanilla ice cream and plenty of whip. It was plenty of bang for the buck and quite pleasant. The bistro was adorable and rather pricey. Well worth it though.
We returned to my house and shortly thereafter Omo left with Gustavo back to their golf course.
I miss having Omo around often. With everything in life, it's all more meaningful and memorable when it's fleeting. I hope we see eachother again soon. And I hope she finds happiness in her new endeavors. I hope I find happiness in my endeavors too. I've been told it's not a waste. That it's worth it. Certainly not from my parents but from Omo and good friends who have more faith in me at times than I do in myself. I wouldn't go on without someone to believe in me. Sometimes it's so hard to motivate yourself when your own flame is flickering out.

I think we all should realize that any road worth traveling down will have bumps along the way.

love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

Happy Earth Day

I hope you took time to simply enjoy the earth in all its glory. And also, don't think of today as the only day of the year to do your part to keep our planet healthy... Think of it as a yearly reminder.
=]

This dark little planet is all we have, so don't be lazy! Turn shit off and recycle dammit! =D

Happy Earth Day!

love&sugar,
Sarah Rocks!

"Eye Wish"-List.

Hey,

I wanted to share with someone but you can't really go "Hey!! What's Up.... Yeah, Yeah, that's cool but listen to this:" Ya know? It's just not cricket.

Before I get down to it, I wanted to let you know that my day is going perfect right now. This very moment I am happy. Just here. If I could stay in this moment forever I would. I would deffo wanna have more exciting moments maybe but, I'm currently clear and balanced. Maybe because I cleaned my room and can breathe again. I burned Amber and "Bright Star" incense and put on my "Happy" play list.
I think the incense and clarity of my room has balanced me out. I was feeling sick earlier but now I feel just right. Literally very balanced. The sounds from my play list help though.
There are certain things every human associates with memories, people, places, objects whatever. Fact.
Sometimes when we smell something or taste something we think of a distant memory and get lost in a wonderful moment. Like reliving it all over again at least for that brief second. I think a lot of times the fleeting nature of these wonderful things is what makes us slightly crazy and sad there after. Those sweet tastes and smells are indeed always fleeting. Even if they last for hours, it's never long enough.
This moment is one of those. I can't help but try to hold on. Try not to move. Try not to blink. Try to let it all sink in sooo deep that I won't miss it when it's gone. But I know I will.
The songs on my play list aren't all that special lyrically or musically. But they work in that same memory association way.
My favorite memory is from last year when I went with my sister for a week to West Palm Beach. She was training and I stayed in that lush hotel all day. I stayed downstairs on that beautiful patio all day beneath a clear blue sky the entire week. Listening to the sounds of the pool and posh people talk business on their cell-phones while they ate their lunch with colleagues. I remember sitting there in the warm air at that beautiful patio table under that canvas umbrella just listening to the water of the Greek fountains trickle. Then upstairs to that big comfy room to nap, write, talk to friends, have lunch.... to just relax.
It was so nice. Just enjoying my own company and working on my music. I like to hope that my life will be that way permanently someday. That I can sit in a lush hotel exactly like that one if not better, enjoying the swishing of the palms, trickling of ornate fountains, bright sun, clear blue sky, the warm breeze, fresh air, quiet hum of people, and the soft splashing of the pool surrounded by socialites quietly sunbathing in their own world... maybe add someone serving cold cocktails all day long.
And where would I be among this? Sitting under the umbrella in my sunglasses enjoying an icy Italian soda or cocktail while working. And my work being writing my music. Working on my next greatest hit. Or new material for my sophomore release.
Living like that, writing my music for millions to enjoy, performing huge concerts with a backing band of lively, fun, sweet diverse people, touring and living in the towers where everyday would be set in the lap of luxury is where I want to be.
I think it'd be nice to get another week like that by myself or with one or two friends for my birthday (Which is coming up soon might I add). Buy some groceries to take with me so there'd be no need to buy expensive meals. Just pamper myself/ourselves in the hotel. Catch some sun. And write music. And if my friends are there, we'll spend the days in the sun reminiscing about the old and new and enjoy just being together under the sun, under the palms, in the lap of luxury soaking up the R&R. That's exactly what I want for my birthday and for the rest of my life.

That's where my play list puts me.

That's where I wanna be.

Excuse me while I daydream.

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks

Marilyn Le' Roy.

I can't help but mention that I suck at keeping up with my blog.
So, it's been months I see. A lot has happened since December. Christmas was sparse but good all the same. The new year was boring. Only a reminder that I'm still here and that I still sorta suck. Since then I released the EP (Woo!). The only downfall is that no one really wants it. And from there it only gets worse because it's available for free. Yeah, now you know why I think I suck right?
The funniest thing is that I made it available to certain people in particular first and they would say "Oh! Thank you thank you! woo woo woo." I'm thinking they're surely going to download it right? Wrong! Not even being sweeter than a jawbreaker influenced their lazy asses to go download it. The best part was that some of them came back and said "Thanks! I love the EP!" Hahahaha! That really proves a point. That the general public whom you think may care slightly don't give a shit unless you're worth a couple bills.
They would've been all over it had I been remotely famous or BFF's with Marky Mark. It's a sick sad world. I'm okay with that part. I would appreciate some honesty or maybe nothing said at all. I mean really. Like I wouldn't know?
Anyways other than that, I've had alone time (finallyyyy!!) and have written and recorded 5 ( I think?) new songs! I had a creative streak and it was brilliant. I had no idea so much was waiting to be released. I should be channeling my creativity regularly but even in this fairly large house I don't really feel alone unless every one's actually off the premises. I guess I'm much more of a private person than I thought.
I also started writing a book called "Sorry, Babe. You're Not On The Guest List: The Life And Times Of A No-Hit-Wonder". It's a series of memoirs that I started sifting through by recommendation of my good friend. I've put that project on hold though. At least for now.
Up to more recent times, I sent out demo submissions last week for the first time. I'm both excited and nervous. I'm really really hoping someone at least keeps the CD for their own pleasure. The bar is set for some actual positive feedback though. It will take a while and I'm happy wondering. The rejection scares me though. The entire world can tell you you're good but one person can send that tumbling down. I've learned to simply accept it though. Instead of putting myself through hell by holding off and waiting I went right into it and sent them before I changed my mind. Like pulling off a band-aide.
I'm happy to say that I have indeed been feeling better lately. Due to my creative spree mostly. I feel happily satisfied and relieved from getting everything out on to this plane. And as predicted, I'm starting to feel somewhat fatigued from it all. But in a good way. The last few weeks were refreshing.. And enlightening. I discovered how much space and solitude I need to properly create and outlet my music and that I could deffo benefit from living in a monastery for a decade. Maybe I'm the only one with such a hard time getting a grip on reality. Honestly, I don't want to be here. I could live inside my head forever. I don't think there's a place for me on earth unless it's as a star. The only other place I can imagine being happy would be in the heavens burning through the cosmos. So, it's either a star here or a star there.. hmm.
I could always indulge in self-medicating and become just another. But that seems far too painful.
It honestly scares me to think that I might be living in vain. Trying to get to the end of a pipe dream. That terrifies me. And also makes me sad. The more I think the less I believe that I'm special enough to be the one out of the million to make it.
A best friend came to me with her troubles the other day. It seemed to me that she was on the right path, getting ahead, everything was right as rain, and things would end happily. It turns out that she too is scared and lost. She too feels that maybe it's all in vain and that the future is so uncertain it terrifies her too. It suddenly occurred to me that everyone is lost. I'm not the only one anymore and that's somewhat comforting. I felt like the world was passing me by and everything I've been doing the past few years have been nothing but smoke and fog. I guess everyone who follows their dreams feel lost and scared.
Why do you think that is? Is it the uncertainty... or maybe the fear that you won't reach the end of the yellow brick road-- that you'll lose your way at some point and die in the depths of obscurity? I don't know. I don't think anyone knows.
I guess you really have to struggle to get what you want. Besides without struggle, fear, and sadness we wouldn't be able to realize the things that make us happy.
I hope all dreamers, dream weavers, day dream believers, and dream followers make it to the end of their yellow brick roads. I hope it's far easier at the end.

Let me add this:
All flamingos deserve beautiful names.
Just like Marilyn Le'Roy.

Love&sugar,
Sarah Rocks!

Eye..

Hey,

Sigh, so I guess everything is fine for me. I've been feeling very wistful lately. I think it's the x-mas season. I used to love x-mas. Now I'm kinda down. I'm putting positive thoughts in my head and trying to keep myself up. But something in me just isn't right. I'm ultimately feeling guilty. Because i'm jobless and can't support myself or my family. But, I know that's not my responsibility. Well, it is to support myself but not my family.. Right? I dunno, alot has happened financially with my parents and I just want to give them all the money in the world and make them happy. I want them to have everything they've ever wanted and not worry about anything ever again. They work really hard and they should know that I above anyone else am truly thankful for them and all that they do. And all they've given me and give me everyday.
Music doesn't pay my bills right now. And I accepted that when I filled out the "True Destiny" application. I'm trying to keep my head up. I want to avoid them at all costs though. I mean is that wrong? But, they're always so worried about numbers. And it makes me sick. I know numbers are important but that's all. They're important. End of story. Why worry? Worry only attracts worry? I wish I could communicate this with them. But, they won't listen to me. Anytime I make a critique of anything they throw the whole "You're jobless and living here so you have no oppinion." thing in my face. I hate it. And I hate that I've been swallowing down so much. It is tearing me to shreds. I'm not one to take anything sitting down but lately i've been having to do that. Or wanting to for their sake. Just to keep things quiet. And all the quiet is making me feel horrible. There's something wrong. I don't want to feel horrible. Who does? But, I don't have a choice. This is why I avoid them. To keep the negative energy as far away as possible. I'm happier when they're not around when i'm in my own world. I'm the happiest alone. Which makes me sad all the same. Haha, this is a revolving nightmare. It's okay though. I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna get signed to that big label and tour and leave it all behind and give them the money they need and live in LA and cut albums and inspire the world. Inspire everyone on the planet to go for their dreams. No matter what your day job or current situation. To just do it. That's what i'm doing and i'm so happy to know that it's my destiny to be that inspirational. To be the bearer of hope. I wish I could do that for the people in my immediate surroundings but, I guess they're the types who need to see me alongside Stevie Wonder at the Grammys accepting my 5th award on stage to actually feel proud or inspired. I dunno.
In other news and something good, me and Ofi are starting a clothing business together. It will be recycled tees turned runway. Very chic. Very fun. Very comfy. Very affordable. I think it will do well. It's safe to say. Especially seeing that we're both very driven for it to do well and make up some moolah.
As for the EP, I'm not sure on the release yet. I'm still waiting for my drum tracks and word. So it might not be out til like late Jan or Feb at this point. Whatever the case it will get done and released. I'm confident about that.
I'm confident about D as well. He's got good things coming his way and i'm so excited for him. And super obliged to say I know him and knew him before he was famous. Hahaha, cause I know he's gonna be famous. I really think next year is his year. He's gonna be a sure spectacle. I'm just hoping I get tossed a bone or something. Maybe while on his way to the top he passes my EP on to another and things will happen. I promised myself next year would be fantastic and I'm really positive that it will. So far so good. I can smell it.

Just trying to keep up the facade.

Ya know.

As any heavy-hearted rock star does on the red carpet.

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

Tsunamis And Numbers.

Hey,

Not a whole lot happening here. Finished the EP. Waiting for my drum tracks to return from down-under. I'm pretty bored right now. Which is no way to be. And it's not just now it's overall. I've been overall bored for months now. Nothing new has come my way. And I haven't found anything new either. So i'm just sorta keeping my mind and eyes open.

So Halloween was a bittle suckish. Not too much happened. Thanksgiving was also lame. My friend over stayed his welcome here because he's homeless. He was not a good house guest. And didn't do anything in return. And for all that, I was the one getting the shit from the rents for it. So that was the last time I think i'll have him over.. If not for a long long while.

I'm just waiting for christmas to roll past. I'm not super excited for it but it does signify the end and begining which is always refreshing.

So lately i've been studying more about numerology. D's numerology report is decent. His expression is an 8. Same as Justin Timberlake's. The 8 pretty much says that it's his birth right to have some dominion over the world. Which JT totally has if you think about it. My numerology is of course scary. 22/4, 3. My lifepath says i'm gonna be some sorta revolutionary shifter. And my expression says i'm meant to be an entertainer. You know what I saw that I thought was very interesting. D's an 8 like JT and i'm a 3 like Britney Spears. Haha... ahem. I really hope i don't end up exactly like that. Like her ya know? It's not all bad though. Iggy Pop is also a 3. So i'm thinking that I really may do something extravagant in the industry. 22, 3 ya know.. Kinda scary. Haha. I certainly hope I live up to the expectations of the divine and earth bound.

Other than that business not too much. Excited for the EP! Woo! I really think and know some huge breakthrough is gonna come from it. Everytime I think about it I get the jumblies in my stomach. Which is nice. =]

Everything is good I guess.

Just very still.

Like the ocean before a tidal wave..

Yeah...

Deffo like the ocean before a tidal wave. =]

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

It's A New Kinda Feeling

Hey!

Everything here is working really well. My mind is like Bombay traffic right now. I've decided to release an EP. Yeah, it's a big step. It came as a suggestion from D. He said that instead of a lame demo why not impress the suits and throw an EP in their face. Apparently it's a lot more impressive and professional. Which, after a lot of thinking I made the decision to go for it.

As soon as I did everything just sort of crashed into place.

I found a cheap alternative to regular CD Packaging, Found a great drummer from overseas who just pretty much fell into my lap at the right time, found someone who wants to refer me to their music biz pals and have now found the proper funds to throw it all together.

The best part about it all is that I found my ultimate fan base. I didn't realize how lovely Distiller/ Brody Dalle fans are. They're really digging my music. Like on a monumental level. I've received the most support from them in the time span of perhaps a week. And that... well that was and still is sincerely amazing. I love them so much.

With that said I decided to launch my T-shirts. Before I had a problem because my friend said they did it in bulk only but this time because she had no current projects she could just do them order by order.

I'm not making any coin. And that's okay with me. I am just sooo flurried to see my logo across the soul-holes of people from all necks of the woods. =]

I launched a few days ago and I guess already have had two orders come in. Including someone who bought two! =] It's seriously incredible. I'm so excited. I feel so humbled. It's just a great feeling having someone like your craft and what you do to the extent of wanting to represent you and wear something that shows pride and faith in you. =]

With that said, tonight I got a sweet comment. And lately I've gotten so many sweet ones but this one really pulled at the old ticker threads.

A girl told me (these are her words!) that she was happy to finally see a girl who can play like the gods. And that she wants to learn bass and that she now considers me to be her role model.

I just crooned when I saw that. She also included that she loved my singing. =]

As if the sugar couldn't get sweeter.

I've never felt so humbled. I just feel so proud of myself for impacting someone to that degree. It makes me swell with warm sloshy tears just thinking about it. =] It's such a reassuring thing. I feel accomplished and just wanna hug her! I am so proud of that girl for taking up bass. Any girl for doing that is strong. And I'm so glad I could help bring that out in her. =]

Sigh, I'm pretty happy.. yet I feel like I'm stumbling onto something big.

Bigger than me and maybe a foreshadow into my future.

I certainly hope it stays this way..

All's well that ends well I assume.

..Yeah.. =]

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

Happily Fatigued.

So the past few days have been on the rougher side of things.

First off our power was out for close to 24 hours on thursday-friday. It fucking sucked. I reside in Florida which makes that all the more worse. Hello? It's not called the "sunshine state" for nothing. Which also made that situation worse was that we also had no water. Yeah, I live in the jungle and don't have city water. The well water system won't work without electric. So, I'll just let you be the judge of how shit-tastic that day was.

My parents left Friday with mi tia to Tennessee and the Carolinas. Woo. Haha. They'll have fun i'm sure. They always do. So they'll be gone until wednesday I believe. Which gives me some peace and quiet... sort of. Well, some less hostile time with the munchkin at least. Haha.

So everything was good leading up to last night. I went along to The Olive Garden for dinner and then home. I cracked open a hard lemonade and proceeded to blast the haunting tunes of Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, and the lovely Bessie Smith. All in that order. I knew folk blues was a more moody genre and the grand-daddy of rock n' roll but, I didn't realize how literal the "blues" term actual is until last night.

I was enjoying the sweet raw lo-fi sound and the wailing voices and then I just sunk into a depression.

I completely saturated my senses enough to actually give myself the blues. Hahaha! It was great and intense. Folk blues is truly a beautiful thing. I'm glad I let myself duelve into it.

Trying to get back to my roots ya know? =]

So while sipping on my hard lemon-odd, I called a friend and we talked until 5.36. He too is a musician and I totally admire him for making great music. He's been doing it for a while and it may finally pay off very soon. I'm totally stoked for him. So, he gave me advice and we talked about demos and albums.

You know... the best thing about him is that he says things I always questioned myself were right. And that makes me all the more reassured in the world.

So in a fun-size wrapper,

I feel right as rain.

Well...

Yeah I guess.. haha..

;D

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

The Secret, I Was Kidnapped And Other Tales From A No-Hit Wonder.

Hey you,

So, my last post was in may...... Hahaha, I'm so shitty at keeping up with a blog. I couldn't do it for the life of me. Anyways! My vacay was fabu. I worked on material stayed at a very luxury-ridden hotel in Palm Beach Gardens and blew all my cash. Yeah, Shit happens. Not to mention I received a to-die-for second degree sunburn from Miss Mother N. Ature. It was worth it though because I was so evenly tanned after the blisters went away... Haha, I know it's gross but hey, beauty is pain, right? Right!

I've been planning on updating this at some point and finally I'm doing it... several months later. Music has been treating me well. It's still the high to my kite. I've written some new stuff, done a few covers and still remain empty handed. In a good way... well, not good exactly but in a I'm-so-used-to-it-that-it's-OK-until-I-bottom-out sort of way.

And everyone here is pushing me to go school. "With what money, man?!" is my reply. Schools nowhere for me. Interior design is what they're saying. Pfft. I have no attention span for that shiz. So, I remain here moneyless and thankless. Well not so much anymore really.

Sometimes I look at my life and think man, what a downer. But on a positive tip, I'm fairly happy. Everyone thinks my life is suckish and it is.. It can be.. But, I look on the bright side and see many things coming.

I'd probably be complaining by now, but I'm done. It's only held anyone back.

And if you haven't noticed yeah, I did read "The Secret" again, only this time all the way through. Hahaha.

That book is so helpful, and it's made things in my life a lot better. I highly recommend it. But only read it if you are entirely open minded or else it won't do anything for you. And you'll probably end up criticizing it.

Other than that jazz, nothing much here.

Happy, Healthy, Loving, Loathing.

The usual.

=]

Love&sugar,

Sarah Rocks!

I Broke The UK And Will Swank In West Palm Beach.

Hey all.
What's new? Some stuff here! Haha, i'm so lame. =]
Anyways, last friday I was aired on a radioshow called "Pigtails And Army Boots" in the UK! They did a whole intro and everything. You know what... everything seems more established and downright proper with a british accent tied to it. Hahaha, it's true! She made me sounds like a fucking rockstar! Which I am of course... at heart... not really noticable-paparzzi-bait though. But those who know me know I rock like a star! Right? Fuck. Hahaha.
So, to cut a long story short, it went fab. My mom heard it too. She didn't think it was real if that's funny enough. Haha! Maybe she'll finally be proud of me dammit. I know deep down she thinks my insane music oriented purchases are in vain. I assure they're not! Hello? I'm totally going somewhere with this! =]

So, today I will be leaving for West Palm Beach for about a week. My sister is going to train for her new job and well, she gets lonely fast. Hahaha! So yesterday I just said "I should totally go with you.." And she's like "Yeah, if you want." And I was like "What?!" I packed my shit, straightened my hair and wiped out my piggy bank! I'm gonna lounge around the hotel the entire week. Soak up some sun, relax in the room, and work on some new songs.

So fucking fame-worthy right?

I know it...

All I need now is a drug addiction, rock n roll boyfriend, and a pappo-stalker.

I'll be fucking set.

There's no stopping this starlet.

-Sarah Rocks!

Zuchini Puffs.

Hey everyone,
My goodness!
I think I've neglected this blog long enough. I had to go back and read my last post to even remember what the hell I wrote about! Yikes.
Anyways! Things here are dandy. Seriously good. I'm happy. I can easily say that. My music has become my entire existence. I consider this a very good thing though. I don't need boy trouble right now. Even though there's a few punk rock boys my heart is throbbing for.
So, my music had morphed all on it's own. It all started when a trip to California came into play. No, I haven't gone yet! Buttttt, hopefully, in July if money is good, Donald and I will be driving there. Yes, from the dirty south to the city of angels. It's gonna be the greatest! I'm so excited, you have no idea!
Anyways, back to my music. When I told my super awesome front-woman-punker-chick friend that I was heading out west to see the lights, she immediately told me that not only would be party but they would perform a special show for us when we got there!! Talk about incredible! But, to put the icing on the cake she also wants me to perform at the show with her band! You can imagine my surprise right? So, I decided to work on my punk motif. I was originally going for that when I started out on my own but slowly veered away which made me all awkward n' shit.
I decided to do a cover of The Muffs cover of "Kids In America" and that's when it all happened. I gained more of a fan base with that one song than I had with all my others combined! Personally impressed with the magic I made, I decided to get into it. And wow. I'm Like a Mia Zapata Brody Dalle hybrid!!!!! It's sooo stellar. I've never felt more sure of my music or vox than I do now.
So, to prepare myself for this show, I decided to take advantage of my cafe job and start playing the open mic nights.
I ate shit the first time I played. It was a massacre to all things musical. I was insanely nervous at that. But it seriously was suckish. I got back on the horse and tried again though and it was immensely good. I was envious of myself! I went up there cool and collected and played like a fucking pro. Everyone loved it so much and so did I. When I walked back down that hall to head out for a cig, everyone just clapped and congratulated me on how awesome it was.
I know now right down to my toes that this is the feeling I wanna get high off of for the rest of my life. It is soo incredibly good and no one can bring you down from it. I love it.

So, that really covers it.

My life is surrounded by punk rock now and You know what...

I wouldn't have it any other way..

-Sarah Rocks!

Good Karma.

Hey,
So things are still pretty good. I'm happy. =] I may very well have a job by next week. Which is terrific news. I need the money and there will be some great gigging opportunities to be had there.
My interview is Thursday. Tomorrow i'm going to see my guru to get a card reading. I've been on an amazing hot streak and I really wanna know how long it will last. I wanna know if this really will be the year that rocks. Sometimes it's better to not know the future but I like an occasional heads up.
In other news, my old drummer and friend moved to NY today. I'm so happy for him and very green with envy. He deserves it though. I'm sure he's going to do good for himself which makes me happy. He's a good kid. He'll be there and i'll be in LA. How keen?
Blah blah blah, I got an e-mail from Hollywood today...
This guy who wanted me to join artistPR in hollywood called a while ago about my music. Mr. Suave.. Slowly lets me know that he needs 60 bucks to whore me to all major labels. I decline. I seriously can't afford that shit. I told him this.. He said that i'd never get anywhere because I didn't want to invest 60 bucks in a possible lost cause. So, left and hurt on that note, he e-mails me today saying he and the other A&R trash ahd a meeting and want to talk to me about my music aaaaggggaaain. Ridiculous.
I sent him an e-mail and called him saying that I wasn't interested. Maybe he'll get the hint.

I'll certainly keep you

updated on this

striking matter.

-Sarah Rocks!

I Fell Back Into The New Year.

Hey,
I'm so god awful. I can't keep up with this shit for the life of me. Hah. What the fuck. Haha. Anyways, Happy New Year! Hoorah! It's a turnover i've been waiting for. Nothing feels like surviving another year.
Anyways I have alot to say... well, document and archive for my future memoirs after my rise to fame.
So, the weekend before the New Year I went with my best, Ofi, to Miami for a well needed holiday. We went on practically nothing. I had about eighteen dollars for a course of five days. It was gone in a matter of minutes. We stayed with her grandma and siblings in an apartment built for two. Talk about cramped. It was all good though. Shelter, AC, food... neccesities. Survival in metro decay.
Most time spent was with her adorable cousins. One is a complete party girl. Big city in every way. The other is the same perhaps a little more grounded.
We went the Friday of our arrival to the greatest little pub around, called "Churchills". So. Much. Fun. They were hosting a punk show the night we went. It was the most amazing show i've been to. Next in line to Motley Crue defo.
The next day, Saturday, we went out to Miami beach to browse with our friend Michael. Its been so long since i've seen him and i'm so glad I got to see him again before the New Year. We walked all over south beach. Went to the actual beach and watched the moon reflect off the ocean. It was quite lovely. We got back around 3.30 completely exhausted.
That Sunday we got up and went to Ofi's cousin's radioshow on 95.3 Radiate FM. I told her about my song previously and before her show was said and done she played it. She played my song on the radio for all of Miami to hear. It was mesmerizing. 1pm to be exact is when my milestone was past. I'm still a-flutter about it all. I'm hoping that I can get more airplay from here on in from different stations. I'm also wanting to get a job so I can get enough cash together for a real demo. It's so exciting!
Monday was New Years Eve. We stayed in all day but went to a swanky party in Coral Gables around 10. It was a drag for starters. But after Midnight things started to look up. We left around 2, I think, and went to "Dennys" for some sobering early breakfast. We left there around 3.30, maybe and got home at 4. I didn't get to sleep until about 5. The next morning we packed and I avoided even bothering to change out of my Pj's. We left for home and as soon as the city limits approached is when my immune system lost its oomph.
Day after my trip home I was ill. Still sorta am. Not as bad though. It was all worth it.
Now! As for current events... Monday I did my first official interview for the press! Lisa Clark, bless her sugary soul, asked to interview me for her website www.pink-world.co.uk. It was awesome. I impressed myself with my naturalness. It seemed so much like a "Us Weekly" or "Rolling Stone" interview. I'm still in a surreal state of mind from all the wonderful things happening. And all that's to come.

My New Years resolution; get so close to the top that I can taste the crystal champagne and feel the heat of the stage.

Yep. This is the year of Sarah Rocks!

I can Feel it in my soul.

-Sarah Rocks!

Tomorrow Is Always Better Than Yesterday.

Hello again
So today was kind of a bust. Woke up and the sky wasn't greeting too kindly. It was overcast and ended pouring around 5. I swept and mopped my home today. Vacuumed. Woo. Not really. It was so boring. I hate mopping and sweeping. It's on my top ten least fave chores. Ugh. Yeah, so I guess you see now my life isn't THAT fabulous. It has its grande points though. Sometimes... Sort of.
Anyways, That was my day. That and i'm like falling apart. My jaw is hurting so damn bad. It's like bruised or something. I dunno it's weird. It has been hurting so bad for a few days now. I can barely eat. That and today i've been sick to my stomach. I'm struggling. Ha ha. Tomorrow will be better though. Tomorrow is always better than yesterday. Right? Usually I guess. Hm. Hah. My blogs are so in depth. And i'm telling you people. This is how in depth I am.

I'm a simpleton dammit.

-Sarah ROcks!

The Things I Break

Well, another day another dollar I suppose.
It's Sunday and I just finished watching the MTV Video Music Awards. It was pretty shitty I certainly didn't fully enjoy it. Not the way I used to. I dunno. I get really kind of cynical while watching. Perhaps because I wish I was the one on the stage performing or accepting a moon man from some over-rated pop culture icon.
I really only tuned in for Justin Timberlake's performance. He did awesome. Although he didn't appear alot during the show he still did an awesome job with his performances. I'm so in love with that boy. Ha ha, I have a school girl crush. Which can be petty and get the best of me but mainly reminds me that i'm alive. Weird, but seriously. You know that when you have a crush it makes you just feel emotion at a higher frequency than other people. Like a hypersensitivity with any thing involving that particular person. Ha ha, It's pretty cool. He's like everything I dream about. Sad. But, hey, I'm still only 18. Ha ha, so I can crush on him and it won't be weird. Hah.
I saw Britney Spears open. Wow. It seems like only a shell of her. She was just so bored with it. I thought she would've been better but it was so melancholy. Not what I had expected. But she made the comeback. A subtle comeback... But still better than nothing I suppose.

I was kind of outraged to see Fall Out Boy get so much attention for their pre-pube-musick. (Yeah I coined it so ima use it C:) They actually won VMA's which was totally ridiculous. I loathe them so much. When I'm famous I will be sure to give them hell for being the prime example of selling for a quick buck and also the decline of music and rise of cocky egos.

I'll get my chance to be a star.

Maybe not tonight or tomorrow.

But it's coming.

I can feel it in my heart.

I can feel it in my blood.

I'll show them how it's done.

-Sarah Rocks!

He Walked In, His name: Eddie Edge.

Well, Hello again
I've been feeling a little more myself lately. Pretty much ever since my last post. I released the demons. =) Anyways, I told you about the whole stupid scene show thing did I not? Yeah, it sucked. One good thing did come out of it though. The boy. The ultimate boy. The one I've fretted about. The tattoos, piercings and Axl Rose hair. He's a guitarist. He's perfect. His name to heat my love up to a perfect simmer: Eddie Edge.
Tonight I IMed him. Reluctantly. I was scared to talk to him. I have a fear of rejection that I keep in check but sometimes will get the best of me. We talked. He was sweet. So adorably clueless. It was a short converstaion. He left in the middle without a goodbye. Which kind of killed me inside. But, whatever. I got more than expected in the first place.
Sigh, Why do I fall for these drop-dead-stare-boys? It sucks. I wish I was asexual. Ha ha. That would make things so much easier. Or maybe it would make me a sad person..? I dunno. I really want to get close to him. I would love it if he would acknowledge me. I feel so stupid saying all this but atleast i know that no one who knows me will see and tell.
Anyways, I wrote a formal business letter today to Tennman Records. I really really hope I get something back. Not a record contract just because that would be hoping for too much seeing that I haven't even sent a demo yet. But more like a welcome. You know... a welcoming response with open arms. Now, I know very well that the industry is cold but still. I kind of have hope that it's not always like the books and documentaries. I just want something that would make me easy inside and able to send a demo without vomitting during the 2-3 week wait for a response. Ha ha. I know everything will work out for me. Everyday I feel closer.. One step closer to that beautiful pedestool called fame. I just wanna make it. I wanna be envied and loved. I wanna hear people singing my music and wearing my name on their sleeves. I wanna travel to New York on monday, shop in Miami on Wednesday and party at the Oscars in Hollywood on Friday. I don't care about reality anymore. I feel oblivious and like the world is in my control. Which I guess it sort of is. From your own perspective.

I know I've got it.

Whatever "It" is.

I've also got a lonely heart.

Lucky girl.

-Sarah Rocks!